okay, this is something that i have given lots of thought to, and it is a question that pilgrims ask each other quite frequently in finisterra.  it seems like a very intimate question, but by now, we are all past that, i supppose.  and if someone doesn´t want to answer, they would walk away, i guess.  it´s also pretty cool that everyone  takes time to answer that question, too.  there are no sound bites, no quick responses.  it is so interesting to live this way.  fully,  slowly, thoughtfully,  and with care for our fellow men and women. 

so, please bear with me as i try and put my experience into words when words seem elusive.  words seem too limiting.  what i feel is that i want to take your hand and walk you to o´cebreiero, or galicia, or the spot where i spent a coule of hours just looking across the valley because it was just so beautiful.  i want to take you to the spot where my body was in so much pain, and i started feeling so sorry for myself, and didn´t know what i was going to do and suddenly 2 dogs started howling in the most mournful way as if my thoughts had feelings, and it made me laugh and laugh...  i want to take you to pamplona and show you what it feels like when someone takes your backpack just when you think you are going to fall onto the stones and not be able to take another step...and i want to bring you here to santiago, and walk into the city with you as you see first the towers of the cathedral, then pass by the breathtaking side of the cathedral, and then walk through the tunnel that leads into the huge square where you can walk and face the cathedral in all it´s glory...and i want you to feel the hugs of your pilgrim friends as you see them one after another in and around what is now your favorite church in spain, their arms holding you as you both shake with sobs of joy....

what i have learned, and what i have been taught make up my experience.  what i have learned is that limitations are self imposed.  many times i thought i could not keep walking but i did.  many times i thought i could not see anything more beautiful than what i was seeing in that moment, but i did.  i learned this myself, and i was taught this by other pilgrims.  i saw pilgrims helping each other without ´saving´each other.  i saw pilgrims having great respect for one another by letting everyone have their own caminos.  i struggled when i was trying to keep up with others, and when i was trying to keep up with what i thougth i was supposed to do and be.  when i was finally able to drop that and just allow myself to be fre to find what was right just for me, i got better!  i healed.  i was able to go on my way.  my merry way!  then, and only then, could i establish my own rythm in harmony with nature, in a divine dance with the One.

i think i am more flexible now.  i still may have expectations, but i think that i hold onto them ore loosely than before, and i am ready to let them go as need be.  i realize the power of my own thinking and the power of prayer.  i always knew the power of prayer, i think what i realized was the power of the pray-er.  i not only felt prayers, i felt the presence of those that were praying them.  so i now feel my connections forged of love even more strongly and i trust their power and place in my life. 

i can ask for help more freely now, because i know that i will get the job done with help, not have help to do the job for me.  i trust my own strength that way.  i can discern when i need help and when i want something done for me, and i can remind myself that i really can trust myself to do what needs to be done, even as i ask for help.  i hope that makes sense.  as i mentioned, it is hard to put all of this into words.


i trust other people´s journeys more, and i don´t feel that i need to correct, rescue,  or control them.  i trust that others have the strength that they need and are on their own way and can find their own way.

i am more connected with the source of all good, the one presence and power.  because of that, i am tuned in to joy, strength, love, appreciation, beauty and peace.  those qualities feel more real to me than ever before.  they feel like they fill me up more than ever before. 

there are two more things that i have learned, and one is easier to put into words than any of the others:  bungee cords have to be very tight in order to work. 

the last thing i have learned and felt on my camino is that i have an incredible support system of my family and friends.  all the beauty that i have seen is contained in the kindnesses that you show me all the time.  the majesty of the mountains is in your eyes, and the lush beauty of a forest shines through every time you smile.  thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have given to me.  i am who i am in part because of who you are.  and all of us are on our own camino all the time.  so, how was your camino?

peace and blessings,
a