being back has been more difficult than i could have imagined.  i never thought about the possible challenges associated with returning to my 'regular life', so i have been totally surprised.  i thought i would come back, and jump right back in to seeing people, doing all the things i used to do, handling all the details that are part of modern day living.  not so fast!  almost everything has been difficult in one way or another.  this is not to say that coming home has been bad-no no no!  i am so happy to fall asleep each night and wake up every morning with my husband and with my dog, i am deliriously happy about that!!!  i love my towels!  i LOVE the bathmats!  i have rediscovered the wonder of a bathrobe, inserting a step in between getting clean and getting dressed that feels as luxurious as anything i have ever had in my life!  seeing my friends has been such a sweet pleasure, and just being home has been great. 

but i knew all of that would be wonderful, so i am not surprised by any of it.  the problem, and 'problem' really is too strong a word for it, is that there is so much that i DIDN'T think about.  the noise.  the rush.  the lights.  the sounds.  the demands.  and the decisions.  there are so many decisions to be made, and they usually need immediate attention.  the decisions that i had to make on the camino were few and far between, and i could usually mull them over for quite a while before having to tell anyone of my decision.  most of my decisions were about how far to walk, what to eat, the song or prayer i would sing.  i made those decisions based on how i felt emotionally, or physically; based on intuition.  perhaps that is what my camino is now-how do i continue to make my decisions intuitively while living in this fast-paced, noisy, demanding society. 

all questions, no answers...and here is another one:  how can i feel settled here while living a more settled life than my nomadic camino existence, while simultaneously feeling completely discombobulated, and anything BUT settled?!?!!