BLOG.ANNIEONEIL.COM

happy new year!

2009-12-31T03:30:00Z

to all my dear camino family, and if you are reading this, that means you! as this magnificent year comes to a close, i find myself thinking about all of you . this year was great in so many ways. some of you i just met, and some of you our friendship deepened. i felt so supported by my friends and family in america while i walked the camino and that feellng has never really left me. like the voice that i heard when i first looked back as i climbed o'cebreiero and saw the valley in all its beauty lying there smiling at me "i was here all the time", i feel like that is true of you too. you were there all the time, weren't you?! and i didn't always take time to notice, or maybe i thought that i didn't need you. well i may not 'need' you now, but i sure do appreciate you! and it is a wonderful feeling that i carry with me now, one of being supported in everything that i do. i am once again writing under a tight time constraint-this time i am at a new year's silent meditation retreat and asked to use my roomates computer and have about 10 minutes. so this will be going out without so much as a second glance so i just have to cross my fingers that it makes sense!

this retreat is in joshua tree, which is the desert. i actually left the meditation room today after lunch because i just wanted to be outside. i am not that familiar with the desert, so it is still strange and wonderful to me, with unusual plants, stark vistas, and lots of cacti (watch where you walk!). when i got back to the room, we meditated for a bout another hour, then rev. michael announced that we were getting a couple of hours off to go outside and explore! a double blessing!

so today i got to walk for almost three hours and it has left me thinking so much about all the people i met on the camino: christianne (le soleil!) and pierre louis, glen, catalina and alex, tatiana, alexi and cyrian, lionel, kerry, rose and john, nikki, ivan, and so many more! how wonderful they are! what a blessings it was to meet you all! so many moments came to me as i walked today-seeing kerry as i approached santiago (and also seeing kerry in finistere-let's face it, any time you see kerry it is a blessing!), lionel's kindness to me in o'cebreiero when i thought i could not take one more step and letting me share his room, christianne and pierre louis being in santiago at the same time i was, sharing cookies in the forest with rose and john, seeing ivan along the way and in the cathedral, the last night in santiago with catalina and alex, eating the world's best dessert with the crew in rabanal....hearing my sister's voice when i called her from santiago....so many wonderful times. i treasure them so here is to a new year and new memories, and new friends to be made, and old friends to be cherished! i am sending you all a big hug and a kiss from under a spectacular desert sky-the moon (a blue moon) is rising but the sky, though dark, still looks blue, and the clouds are lit from above by the bright moon but dark on the bottom. truly breathtaking.

may you continue to give and receive blessings on your way-

ultreiea!

buen camino!

peace and blessings-

i am wishing all of you the very best in 2010.

a perfect cup of tea

2009-07-11T08:40:00Z

the other morning i was sipping my usual cup of morning tea-organic yerba mate tea with soy milk-when i thought to myself, "this is the best cup of tea ever!" as soon as i thought that i remembered thinking the exact same thing on the camino, as i sat in a bar or cafe somewhere along the way sipping a cup of black tea with steamed milk! i remember it so clearly, and i remember thinking that it was so delicious that i might be disappointed with my tea when i got home. and while i would sip that incredibly delicious, hot, steamy, yummy tea, i would smile because one thing that i was worried about before i went to spain was how i would start my days since i don't drink coffee, and i doubted that i would find my organic yerba mate tea offered there. i considered bringing tea bags for the trip, which is what i do when i travel here, but on the camino, i decided i would open my mind and heart to new experiences, and that would include tea. that attitude has left me without any regrets from the camino. i drank things i wouldn't have usually drank, i ate things i definitely wouldn't have usually eaten, and i opened my heart to every person that i met, with no regrets at all. i wonder how often i limit myself in my life by thinking that whatever i already have is the best, so i am not open to something new. if i hadn't opened myself to allowing that there might be some other morning drink that would be as good as my usual yerba mate and soy milk, i wouldn't have discovered the amazing tea with steamed milk. when i first got home, i actually brewed black tea and drank it with heated soy milk, trying to recreate what i had enjoyed so much in spain. needless to say, it wasn't the same. it was good, but it wansn't that transcendant sweet nourishment i loved to order in spain. so i went back to my yerba mate and soy milk, nervous that maybe i wouldn't like it anymore, and yet, there i was, just last week, thinking that i was having the best cup of tea ever! when we open our minds and our hearts, spirit loves to amaze and delight us, whether it is with tea, friends, in our finances, careers, you name it. and for me, what opens my heart the quickest is gratitude. just being able to be thankful in every moment seems to unblock the bounty that is so ready to pour forth a blessing in my life.

so my friends, i hope that you have some cup of special something that you think is the best ever! please enjoy it today, right away, if you can, and even as you recognize it as the best there is, allow your heart to open to that you can be delighted by something even more wonderful to come your way
peace and blessings-
a

fitting in

2009-06-21T18:16:00Z

i was singing in the choir yesterday as part of the graduation ceremony for agape's ministerial and practitioner culmination and i heard something very profound (that happens alot at agape). when the practitioner was speaking on behalf of his class about what his experience has been, he talked about the first time he came to agape. he said that he walked in the door and realized that this was his future, this was the new, clear direction his life was now following. he turned around to wave goodbye to his former self, knowing that who he used to be was not going to be who he was becoming.

that comment, that image struck deep in my soul. 'that's it!" , i thought! that is why i have been having so much trouble getting back into the swing of things here. i have been trying to fit into my old self, my old ways and patterns, instead of waving goodbye to the old me and letting who i have become re-enter my old life. so many things are the same, obviously: my husband, my dog, my home, my friends. it is only my self that has changed. and that self is great! it is wonderful, opened up, happy! it just cannot fit into any other self but it's own. so in that very moment, i waved goodbye to my old self, and let my new self inhabit my life. i feel more adjusted, happier, more myself.

it is interesting because i have listened to some music since being home. even though my husband has loaded a million songs onto the ipod, the only one i had much interest in hearing was an old wallflowers tune. it's 'one headlight', and along with being the inspiration for naming my dog cindarella so many years ago, it has the line that has fascinated me these last couple of weeks: "i haven't changed, but i know i'm not the same". it was such a strange experience when i would see my friends and they recognized me so easily-i felt that i had changed, but i knew that i looked just the same. of course, it would have been terrible if no one had recognized me, but it was a trippy feeling, knowing that i looked just the same, even after such a massive adventure like walking the camino. it reminded me of years ago, when i had my accident. i was laid up and couldn't do anything, and felt like i was having a complete identity crisis, wondering who i was now that i couldn't dance, couldn't teach my aerobics class, couldn't even take care of myself. 'who am i' i would spend hours wondering. but when i talked with my friends, they had no problem recognizing me, knowing who i was. it was a very good lesson in the concept that who we are is eternal. who we are is spirit more than flesh. who we are is more than the sum of what we can do in this trhee dimensional world.

so i am happily living as my new self in my old life, and loving every minute of it the angst, the frustration, the confusion and even the physical pains i was having have fallen away. although i feel homesick for the camino and my camino friends, i know that i enjoyed every minute-no, every second of it! i savored my camino and that memory is alive and well inside of me.

peace and blessings-
a

re-entry into los angeles, california

2009-06-13T19:07:00Z

being back has been more difficult than i could have imagined. i never thought about the possible challenges associated with returning to my 'regular life', so i have been totally surprised. i thought i would come back, and jump right back in to seeing people, doing all the things i used to do, handling all the details that are part of modern day living. not so fast! almost everything has been difficult in one way or another. this is not to say that coming home has been bad-no no no! i am so happy to fall asleep each night and wake up every morning with my husband and with my dog, i am deliriously happy about that!!! i love my towels! i LOVE the bathmats! i have rediscovered the wonder of a bathrobe, inserting a step in between getting clean and getting dressed that feels as luxurious as anything i have ever had in my life! seeing my friends has been such a sweet pleasure, and just being home has been great.

but i knew all of that would be wonderful, so i am not surprised by any of it. the problem, and 'problem' really is too strong a word for it, is that there is so much that i DIDN'T think about. the noise. the rush. the lights. the sounds. the demands. and the decisions. there are so many decisions to be made, and they usually need immediate attention. the decisions that i had to make on the camino were few and far between, and i could usually mull them over for quite a while before having to tell anyone of my decision. most of my decisions were about how far to walk, what to eat, the song or prayer i would sing. i made those decisions based on how i felt emotionally, or physically; based on intuition. perhaps that is what my camino is now-how do i continue to make my decisions intuitively while living in this fast-paced, noisy, demanding society.

all questions, no answers...and here is another one: how can i feel settled here while living a more settled life than my nomadic camino existence, while simultaneously feeling completely discombobulated, and anything BUT settled?!?!!

a day without blogging

2009-06-05T02:35:00Z

yesterday was my first day without blogging since leaving. of course, there were times when i did not blog on the camino, but that was because there was no internet access (in addition to no electricity a few times). but yesterday i had access to a computer - my own - but was unable to blog. i have covered thousands of miles by plane, and dozens by car, and it all just seems to be moving so fast! i turned on my phone yesterday, but ended up turning it off a few hours later because i couldn't get to it fast enough, then got overwhelmed with answering it, calling people back and texting. how did i do all of this before?!?!!! and the noise. wow. there is really a lot of noise here. the noise in the house isn't too bad, but outside the house is full of noises. beepers, cars, music, cell phones ringing...just the sound of the car is loud, much less driving with a window open, or the radio on.

i am definitely having some culture shock here.

but it is great to be home. cotton towels! bath mats! and another luxury i had completely forgotten about - a bath robe!!! holy moly, what a luxury having a step in between getting clean and getting dressed!

i think the lessons of the camino will continue to unfold. right now i am feeling very tender, and am trying to be gentle with myself. i haven't even really told many people that i am home. i didn't go to wed. night service last night, just wanting to be home, and also, still somewhat on spanish time. so i did not blog, and am not even sure what to say now. late yesterday afternoon. as i was waiting for maggie to come over i thought about what i would say, or show her. then i thought what i would really like to do is sit with her in silence. it just seemed impossible to talk about what i had done, and she has been reading the blog anyway, so she knows. however, when she got here, we did talk and i showed her some pictures, and it was fine. but i do feel at a loss for words about the camino. i wonder if that is because being home means that i am not with pilgrims anymore, but, outside of my friends, with people to whom i would have to define the camino before even saying what it had been for me.

maybe i am just jet lagged, or maybe i am overwhelmed by all the luxuries. i mean, really, clean cotton towels, bath mats, AND a bath robe?!?? i left an average life and am coming home to living in the lap of luxury! i hadn't realized how privileged i am. a-ha! another lesson from the camino.

the last night in santiago

2009-06-02T06:41:00Z

the city of santiago is beautiful, but it seems a different city than the one i left just a few days ago. when i left, it was a city of triumph, celebration, shared joy and lots and lots of hugs. it is now a city where i shop, where i buy things other than the food i will eat for the next day, even heavy things that will weigh alot in my pack.   i buy things based on beauty rather than weight. it is a city where i no longer know 1 in 10 people, but still can recognize pilgrims, but in a general way rather knowing who they are.

as i walk to meet catalina and alex for dinner, i see a family of a mother and two young boys perched on their doorstep. one is intently playing his game boy. the other is just as intent, but with his mother. she is pressing his nose down with one of his fingers while, deep in concentration, he is reaching his tongue to try and touch the tip of his nose with the tip of his tongue. i smile at such a perfect moment, such a typical moment, one of thousands - millions - in a child´s life. it has nothing to do with walking, being a pilgrim. it is not even specific to santiago, but could be happening anywhere.

after i meet catalina in the cathedral square (alex joined us a few minutes later) , we are walking to a park where they assure me there is a great view of the cathedral, and it is the best place to see it at night when it is all lit up. we walk through a small square with a fountain (where the internet camera is) and we can hear loud singing before we get there. there is at least one local team there having some sort of rally. it involves singing loudly, then rushing up to someone they know and dragging them to the fountain and throw them in.   loud cheers accompany all of this, and even the police who are there laugh along with everyone else. life is going on all over, and our pilgrim status has changed. when alex joined us, fresh from a shower, we all hugged and catalina told him he smelled good. no longer a pilgrim! as we saw so many people we didn´t know hugging and congratulating each other we realized our time had passed. no one was greeting us that way, and we weren´t throwing our arms around anyone either. it was their time now, just as it will be other pilgrims´time in the coming days, weeks, months, years. we were now rested, clean, and not limping or experiencing any pain at all. we are able to get up from a table and walk away quickly and smoothly, without those first lilttle hobble-steps so characteristic of a pilgrim who has walked all day long.

after sitting and talking with the beautiful cathedral lit up in the background we went in search of our favorite dessert-tarta de queso. it is misleading to describe it as cheesecake, but that is it´s closest cousin, shall we say.   it is a rich and smooth delight, with a soft taste of cream that is not overly sweet, but insanely good. they are walking me to my hotel where i am staying with carrie who ate with other friends tonight. as we walk through the tunnel on the side of the cathedral, we are going backwards from our camino journey of last week. as we came out of the tunnel, and were along the side of the cathedral i looked up. there was a huge flock of seagulls flying over the towers. they were lit by the lights of the cathedral, from below, which made their wings look even more white against the black of the sky, and the beautiful cathedral was the foreground. we all stopped and stared in silence, struck by the beauty, our eyes tracing their lazy arcs, hearing an infrequent ´caw´ as the birds themselves seemed to honor the sacredness of the moment. the moon, a perfect half moon, watched quietly from the side, a still point of light anchoring the birds gliding by. yet again, my eyes filled with tears. how fortunate i have been! how graced! how divinely led, and how beautifully my soul has been fed! and it continues. it continues as i return to america, to my home, my husband, my friends, family...you! it was a wonderful end to my camino, with nature, beauty, and friends . how excited it am to continue this camino with you now. WE get to see the beauty eveywhere. WE get to see the pilgrim in all. WE get to throw our arms around each other when we see each other next! and you can be sure that´s what i will do when i see you!
til then-
peace and blessings-
a

so, how was your camino?

2009-06-01T16:58:00Z

okay, this is something that i have given lots of thought to, and it is a question that pilgrims ask each other quite frequently in finisterra. it seems like a very intimate question, but by now, we are all past that, i supppose. and if someone doesn´t want to answer, they would walk away, i guess. it´s also pretty cool that everyone takes time to answer that question, too. there are no sound bites, no quick responses. it is so interesting to live this way. fully, slowly, thoughtfully, and with care for our fellow men and women.

so, please bear with me as i try and put my experience into words when words seem elusive. words seem too limiting. what i feel is that i want to take your hand and walk you to o´cebreiero, or galicia, or the spot where i spent a coule of hours just looking across the valley because it was just so beautiful. i want to take you to the spot where my body was in so much pain, and i started feeling so sorry for myself, and didn´t know what i was going to do and suddenly 2 dogs started howling in the most mournful way as if my thoughts had feelings, and it made me laugh and laugh... i want to take you to pamplona and show you what it feels like when someone takes your backpack just when you think you are going to fall onto the stones and not be able to take another step...and i want to bring you here to santiago, and walk into the city with you as you see first the towers of the cathedral, then pass by the breathtaking side of the cathedral, and then walk through the tunnel that leads into the huge square where you can walk and face the cathedral in all it´s glory...and i want you to feel the hugs of your pilgrim friends as you see them one after another in and around what is now your favorite church in spain, their arms holding you as you both shake with sobs of joy....

what i have learned, and what i have been taught make up my experience. what i have learned is that limitations are self imposed. many times i thought i could not keep walking but i did. many times i thought i could not see anything more beautiful than what i was seeing in that moment, but i did. i learned this myself, and i was taught this by other pilgrims. i saw pilgrims helping each other without ´saving´each other. i saw pilgrims having great respect for one another by letting everyone have their own caminos. i struggled when i was trying to keep up with others, and when i was trying to keep up with what i thougth i was supposed to do and be. when i was finally able to drop that and just allow myself to be fre to find what was right just for me, i got better! i healed. i was able to go on my way. my merry way! then, and only then, could i establish my own rythm in harmony with nature, in a divine dance with the One.

i think i am more flexible now. i still may have expectations, but i think that i hold onto them ore loosely than before, and i am ready to let them go as need be. i realize the power of my own thinking and the power of prayer. i always knew the power of prayer, i think what i realized was the power of the pray-er. i not only felt prayers, i felt the presence of those that were praying them. so i now feel my connections forged of love even more strongly and i trust their power and place in my life.

i can ask for help more freely now, because i know that i will get the job done with help, not have help to do the job for me. i trust my own strength that way. i can discern when i need help and when i want something done for me, and i can remind myself that i really can trust myself to do what needs to be done, even as i ask for help. i hope that makes sense. as i mentioned, it is hard to put all of this into words.

i trust other people´s journeys more, and i don´t feel that i need to correct, rescue, or control them. i trust that others have the strength that they need and are on their own way and can find their own way.

i am more connected with the source of all good, the one presence and power. because of that, i am tuned in to joy, strength, love, appreciation, beauty and peace. those qualities feel more real to me than ever before. they feel like they fill me up more than ever before.

there are two more things that i have learned, and one is easier to put into words than any of the others: bungee cords have to be very tight in order to work.

the last thing i have learned and felt on my camino is that i have an incredible support system of my family and friends. all the beauty that i have seen is contained in the kindnesses that you show me all the time. the majesty of the mountains is in your eyes, and the lush beauty of a forest shines through every time you smile. thank you from the bottom of my heart for all you have given to me. i am who i am in part because of who you are. and all of us are on our own camino all the time. so, how was your camino?

peace and blessings,
a

the pilgrim look

2009-05-31T16:04:00Z

i see a look about many pilgrims here in finisterre, and i saw it in santiago as well. even before, when i really think about it. when you look in their eyes you feel you are looking beyond their eyes, deeply into their eyes, and at the risk of sounding terribly cliche, into their souls. sometimes when you look in people´s eyes, there is a feeling of being held at arm´s length. that is gone. there is no arm´s length. there is no distance at all. when you look in the eyes it is as if you fall right into them. when i met misa, a pilgrim lydia has been telling me about for weeks, it was my first day here in finisterre. i was at the lighthouse about an hour before sunset. i had been saying hi to the crew who were all calling me by name, when i saw her standing just behind andres. we looked at each other and she told me her name and we jsut looked into each other´s eyes for a moment. it was almost like falling into her, like falling into a sparkling crystal well of light. i know that i didn´t meet her before so maybe her eyes were already like this, but this sparkle, this feeling of shiny brightness, of newness - this is something that i see in many pilgrims. she was there with william, who i had met before, early in the camino (for those of you who have read since the beginning, i met him when he was telling kim and jenny that he only had one pair of underwear). when i said hello to him, he had that same look to him and i don´t remember that about him from larasoana. cata has the same look-her eyes are so bright and shining and are such a crystal clear blue i almost feel lilke i need sunglasses to look at her, she is shining so brightly.

there are some pilgrims who i don´t have any interest in spending time with and even they have a sort of shiny glow to them. please remember that we are still a rather dirty lot, worn out, and usually in dusty clothes that are often tattered. this look is something that comes from inside, and it transcends physical appearance. perhaps it is a force, or power we have picked up by being in nature each day, or by virtue of having walked across a country. or by living the humble life of a pilgrim for weeks on end. or all of the above.

it makes me think about akili´s comment to me before i left for my camino. it was a wednesday night, my last night at agape before leaving the following saturday and i went by the bookstore to say goodbye before i left. akili was very excited because he knows the camino, and he will do it himself one day. we chatted for a couple of minutes, then he said, ´let me look into your eyes. ´he looked silently for a moment then said, ´i will look again when you get back so i can see how you have changed.´ i left wondering how i will change, and how will it manifest, or even if it will be visible. i am still mulling over how i have changed. but i know that if i am like the other pilgrims here, yes, you will see it when you look at me, and akili will see it when he looks into my eyes.

so i will sign off with this, my dear ones- i have made it and i leave this beautiful end of the world tomorrow to return to santiago, and the next day for america. what a journey it has been, thanks to you, and along with you.
peace and blessings-
a

nothing, yet everything, keeps happening

2009-05-30T14:48:00Z

finisterre definitely feels like the end of the world. the pace here is slow, even for spain. there are not many people, and even though it is a gorgeous beach town, there are still ruined buildings in amongst all the houses. cats and dogs run around, and the gulls are very loud, especially in the morning. i am not used to hearing them, so i don´t know if the sound they make is typical, but it sure sounds strange to me. it almost sounds like they are trying to impersonate the sounds that they hear the dogs and cats making. when i first heard it, i stuck my head out the window to try and find the strange animal making that noise, but all i found were gulls, lifting their heads up and opening their beaks wide to let loose with these strange noises!

i know one way thati have changed is that i am moving around based on feelings. part of that is due to the fact that i don´t really have a timetable to follow, work to get to or any appointments at all, actually. so i really can do whatever i ´feel´like, whenever i feel like doing it. because of that, i always seem to be in the right place at the right time. even though i knew that kim and jenny were leaving this morning, i got up and went out for a cup of tea. i went to the cyber cafe (where i am now) and sat down at a computer. just as my time was about to run out, i sensed someone in the doorway. i looked up and it was carrie. carrie! (you remember her from her amazing story about climbing o´cebreiero) i saw her at the noon mass a few days ago in santiago and her plan was to walk here. we fell into each other´s arms and she wept the tears that i now recognize as born of half joy and half exhaustion. i know them well, and certainly shed plenty of them myself. she had been walking from santiago and the days had been hot, the mornings very early and the albuerges full, meaning that even if you were tired you had to keep walking to the next village to find a bed. she finally asked herself what she was doing, and decided to take a bus. she had taken a bus to the community just a few kilometers up the road from here and had gotten a hotel room overlooking the ocean. once she was settled in, she decided to read the book she had brought, the little prince. she brought that book not because she liked it so much, but because she DIDN¨t like it and wanted to finally figure out why everyone else did! i had never heard that logic before, but that´s our carrie! anyway, she dove into the book again, and later fell asleep to the sound of the waves coming up on the beach. she woke up in the middle of the night and was getting ready to just roll over and go back to sleep when she felt that it was important for her to get up and go to the window. she went and said that when she looked up, all she could see were stars, stars and more stars. they seemed to be dancing, and she said that all of a sudden, her book, the little prince, made perfect sense to her. she even saw that the stars were sparkling with love. she stayed awake looking at them for some time before heading back to bed and sleep. then this morning, she arrived and walked into the very cafe i was in, since i had followed some inner yellow arrow that led me there, too.

i brought her back with me to my - now our - room, and after getting her settled, and saying goodbye to the others, we went out. my plna was to see if catalina and alex were on the bus that kim and jenny would be taking back into santiago. they were not. i started wondering if they would make it, but decided carrie and i could head out to the beach no matter what. we found our way to the beach on the other side of finisterre, a beach that i had heard about from other pilgrims as being more beautiful than the one that is right in town here, where we went yesterday. we found it, and it is much much more beautiful!!! i took millions of pictures which i will upload back in santiago, since i can´t do it here. i went in the water, and even though it was cold (as in freezing!) i figured i would get used to it. after about 20 minutes, with my feet and legs feeling like they were blocks of ice, i came out. the sun was warm, we had a delicious picnic and i wrote in my journal ( a new one, since i filled up the one that bill and maggie gave me before my trip). i kept hearing the song that martha and i sang watching the sunset my first night here. did i tell you about that? what a lovely night that was. martha was also part of the documentary. she and i didn´t meet until santiago, but she had long since won the hearts of the crew and everyone adored her. as we sat together as the sun went down we talked about what the camino had meant to us, and how we had changed. she told me that she has been married to her husband for 26 years, and all that time, when he tells her he loves her, she always says´´me too´. she said she was too shy to say it back to him, or felt embarrassed somehow. on the camino, she called him and said, ´i love you´to him. i asked what was his reaction, and she said at first it was silence, but then she could hear how happy he was in his voice. he told her that he loved her, too.

so anyway, as our conversation slipped into silence watching the sunset, martha started singing and i joined in. it was that old song,
which i have copied the lyrics to (thank you google!)

THE END OF THE WORLD
Skeeter Davis - 1964

Why does the sun go on shining
Why does the sea rush to shore
Don't they know it's the end of the world
'Cause you don't love me any more

Why do the birds go on singing
Why do the stars glow above
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when I lost your love

I wake up in the morning and I wonder
Why everything's the same as it was
I can't understand, no, I can't understand
How life goes on the way it does

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

Why does my heart go on beating
Why do these eyes of mine cry
Don't they know it's the end of the world
It ended when you said goodbye

unfortunately, this is a sad song, and it was not a sad moment, but the ´end of the world´ part was perfect!!! and the melody is quite lovely, and joining in with martha´s voice made me feel like we were really experiencing this together, with each other, and with the sun.

anyway, when carrie and i left for the beach, i saw the woman who owns the place where we are staying and i told her that i was hoping that my friends would come and stay in the room next to ours. i wasn´t sure she understood, but i told her my friends´names were catalina and alex, and i was hoping that they would arrive today. one of the problems here is that the people don´t really speak spanish, they speak gallegos, which sounds like spanish mixed with portugese. anyway, i had no idea if she understood me or not, and i really had no idea if cata and alex would make it here today. when we got back, i saw that that room was now occupied, so i figured it would all just work out the way it was supposed to. carrie and i went into our room and as we got set to go back out, i noticed that we had received a note. it was a little piece of paper with an angel drawn on it. there were just three words written on it : ýou are an... ´ and an arrow pointing to the angel. no signature, no names, nothing. i didn´t know if maybe kim and jenny had left it, or what. i looked closer and it was from a pad of paper from a business. and that business was in....bukharest!!!! they must have found my room! now i just wondered if they found it before someone else had gotten that other room, or if they were in there. after a few minutes, cata came out, waking up from a siesta! she said they had arrived and the woman told tham that she was full, no rooms were available. they stood there for a moment, wondering where to go, and the woman said she was very sorry, but the room was reserved for a catalina from rumania. cata turned to her and said, ´but I am catalina! that is me!!!¨ so in just another intuitive yellow arrow camino moment, they had found me, and the room that i had wished they would stay in!

we are all going to have dinner, walk to the lighthouse, watch the sunset, and burn something together, as tradition dictates. i can´t tell you how good i feel to be with these very special friends. today as i was in the water, i just kept saying thank you to you. thank you for believing in me. thank you for your prayers. thank you for your love. thank you for your friendship. thank you for reading this blog, even if you never made a comment (sarah!) and THANK YOU for reading this blog and making comments. that was my gasoline on the camino (even though pierre louis said that beer was the gasoline of the camino). you fueled me, you fed me, you buoyed my spirits and prayed my body strong. thank you thank you thank you. my eyes are open so wide here in this beautiful place to take in its beauty not just for me, but for you, too. as the waves washed over my feet, i let the water heal not just me, but you, too, as its healing powers lapped over my toes.feet, ankles, knees. thank you thank you thank you. to paraphrase something we say at agape, i love you, i appreciate you, and i thank god for you!

peace and blessings-
a

everywhere you turn, a friend

2009-05-29T10:47:00Z

here i am in finisterre, breathing a deep sigh of contentment, gratitude, and joy.

ias i mentioned, i have been kind of surprised at how tired i have felt now, as opposed to before. while i was walking i pretty much never felt tired. i just woke up each morning happy to get up and walk again. sometimes i would notice that the walking was difficult, like when i was walking up a steep hill, but apart from falling into bed tired each night, i didn´t feel exhausted. that changed when i stopped walking. i noticed it the day i arrived in santiago, and especially the next day. then yesterday when i took the bus here, i really felt it. so after my 3 hour siesta yesterday i got up and walked down to the small beach right in the center of town. ithere were a couple of abuelas with their grandkids in the water, one naked little toddler running in and out of the water, another crawling with the grandmother holding her hand under her chin so that she didn´t gulp lots of water. i walked a bit, sat on a rock for a bit, then walked again. i saw one little boy with his sister, and he had found a flat rock and was skipping it over the water. he was very good at it, but i noticed that his sister wanted to play with him but he wasn´t interested. he just kept skipping the rock then retrieving it, over and over, while she milled about in the water. i thought, maybe i could find some pretty shell for her or something, and started looking down as i walked. i quickly realized there were no shells on the beach, but suddenly i saw something sparkle as the water receded...it was bright green. i bent down, and recognized exactly what it was. sea glass. it was a piece of glass that had fallen into the sea and was now dulled on the edges, but still had the bright green color. sea glass has a special place in my heart because it reminds me of all the walks i took on the beach with my husband when we lived closer to santa monica. we would walk and collect pieces of sea glass while our beautiful dogs cinda and brody froliced in the water, and chased each other over the sand. in fact, we were collecting pieces of sea glass one morning when we stopped to sit on a large pice of driftwood that had floated up and was left high on the sand. we talked for a while, then he started talking about how great his life had been since we met, and handed me a mussell shell full of sea glass and said to me, i have something for you. i looked at it and realized there was something else in amongst all the sea glass- my engagement ring.

so sea glass has a special meaning for me, and as soon as i saw that first piece, i saw that i t was everywhere! i collected it for a while, and then took my handfull over to the side and sspread it out. there was another little girl who came over to play and we made pretend necklaces out of it. after she was called home, i realized a lot of time had passed just playing on the beach! i looked up and there was martha who looked at me at the same moment. she invited me to come along with her to the lighthouse to see the sunset. i met martha in santiago, but i had heard a lot about her. she was another pilgrim, and a favorite of everyone´s becasue she is jsut so nice. we walked up to the lighthouse and watched the sunset. it really is amazing to see the sun disappear into a bright red puddle at the end of sight, then disappear completely.

we sat for a while longer, and jsut as we were thinking about leaving, i heard a familiar voice speaking in italian behind me. i thought, can it really be, and i turned around-there was giuseppe!!! we threw our arms around each other and caught each other up on where we had been. he had walked all the way to finisterre, so he had arrived yesterday, too. i said goodbye to martha and met his friends. he was with 3 italian women (leave it to giuseppe!) and they included me in the tradition of burning something at finisterre. they had brought things-one a pair of sweats, one gloves, one a shirt, but i hadn´t brought anything. i thought quickly, and realized there was something i could burn-i don´t think i will need all those little rolled up pieces of toilet paper that pilgrims must always carry, so i burned those! afterwards, we drank wine, and walked home, now in the dark. giuseppe was kind enough to walk me to my albuerge before going to his hotel. he left early this morning, so i feel very lucky to have seen him on his only night in finisterre.

i got home around midnight and slept til about 8 or 9-again, very unpilgrim-like behavior! after meditating, i wondered what i would do today as i left my room on the top floor of the building where the albuerge is. the woman had shown me the other 2 rooms, and i chose the nicest one-i have my own bathroom, but really all the rooms were nice. i heard some other people, but sometimes i feel shy so i didn´t know if i would walk over to the kitchen before leaving just to meet them. as i locked my door, i glanced over at the shared bathroom, and i had a feeling unlike anything i have ever felt before. i felt both amazed, and as if what (who) i was seeing was the most normal person to see in that moment. it was kim! and i knew that where kim was, jenny would not be far away. i jsut stood there for a moment, until i guess kim felt my gaze, and looked my way. we just looked in each other´s eyes for a moment before erupting in squeels of joy, and hugging each other over and over. jenny heard the commotion and came over and our hug got even bigger. of all the dozens and dozens of albuerges, hostels, hotels and private rooms in this town, we had ended up on the same floor in adjoining rooms, sharing a kitchen. so you can imagine that this morning turned into a party, and the two french guys that were friends of theirs, and slept in the third room joined us and we had a crepe party!

i realized that when i wrote about who it was that i really missed of my camino community, it was only kim and jenny that i was still missing. i had not seen them in weeks. now we will be spending our last days here together, just as we spent our first days together.
my camino is now complete, and yet i know that it will always continue to unfold.
peace and blessings to you all-
a

feeling fine at the end of the world...

2009-05-28T11:51:00Z

dear ones-
i am here is finistere (finis = end, terre = world) and it is beautiful! i took the bus this morning, partly because i just felt so tired, and also following my beloved husband´s request (¨¨would you please just stop walking and take the bus?!?!?!!!¨¨) . i even slept on the bus ride here. it has been an amazing journey, that is for sure. this is the western-most point of europe, and long before there was a camino de santiago, there was a pilgrimage here. people would walk and walk to come here to see with their own eyes what people had told them about-it was here that you could see the sun disappear into (´get eaten by´) the ocean.

i had an interesting discussion with a priest that i sat next to on the bus here. we talked about that, and i thought that he might think that was heresy or something, but no, he knew about it and agreed that the pilgrimage predates st. james´s bones being buried beneath the cathedral in santiago. he is the second catholic priest that i crossed paths with during this time. he walked the camino for spiritual renewal and had a wonderful time. we talked about something that the priest said at mass yesterday. i told him that i had never ever heard this at a mass before: at the very end of mass the priest said (in several languages) that when you get home, say a prayer bvefore you enter your home and pray that one of your sons becomes a priest. he said that it is a great honor to have a priest in the family, and that the church needs more priests, so you must encourage your sons to look for a vocation to become a priest. it was like a little ad for becoming a priest. it was both fascinating, and somehow disturbing, to me. not sure why. i guess that is one of things that i can mull over these days at finsterre.
so here is the plan-sleep, eat, take a siesta, eat, sleep, repeat and in there is also write in my journal and write some blogs!

thank you for being on the other end of this computer. i know many of you are there who don´t comment, and please know that i enjoy ereading your comments immensely! it is a treat for me, like the chocolate and pastries that i am savoring here. they often bring tears to my eyes, and i would respond to them if i wasn´t under time constraints-like now, there are only 5 minutes left. the computers here tend to be slow, so i think i will need all 5 minutes to finish and publish this. so that is all for now, but maybe i will be back after my siesta. this is a nice, if busy, bar, and they fed me well for lunch (salad, sardines and a beer) so i will probably be back.
peace and blessings to you all, and thanks again for being with me on this journey-
a

santiago

2009-05-27T17:03:00Z

well, it is my first day after arriving. i am still feeling so many emotions, and feel very, very tired. i guess when i know i have to wake up and walk, i don´t let myself feel tired. but now, since i don´t have to walk, i feel a very satisfied exhaustion. also, lydia let me stay in her room last night and so i slept in real sheets, had a cotton towel AND a bath mat! you know i loved that!

a quick word about my camino community. an update, really. i have heard that jenny and kim are in finisterre where i will be going (by bus) tomorrow. when i got into the cathedral yesterday i saw christianne and pierre louis. i saw yves and nicole today, and will probably see them in finisterre, too, later in the week. i went to the cathedral for the noon mass to look for catalina and alex. i was pretty sure they were a day behind me, but i didn´t know it they would get in before mass. i decided if i didn´t see them at mass, i would just hang out in the square and wait for them to walk in. i went up one side of the cathedral, then went up the other side. as i turned around, after not finding them, i caught sight of a tall pilgrim sitting in the middle. a wave, and sure enough, it was alex! there beside him was the lovely catalina! i made my way back down one side aisle and up the other side and was just crying and crying by the time catalina and i met up and hugged. i felt like i was a mess, but when i looked at her, she had that one perfect tear coming down the side of her face. we were so very happy to see each other, and i am hoping that they will go to finisterre, too. i have posted some pictures and even though the one of cata and alex in the cathedral is blurry, i liked it. i hope you will, too.

it was a quiet day of more reunions, eating delicous food, and hanging around. as i said, i am feeling surprisingly tired, and therefore have decided not to walk to finistere (which would take about 4 days) and instead just take the bus there tomorrow. i am hoping to find lots of wonderful spots to sleep-ie, the beach, my room, a porch, the beach, etc. i hope that i can find internet connection there, because i feel like i have lots to tell you, but would like to get some sleep first. tonight is the final party for our film crew, and should be a fun time. although truthfully, last night was the pilgrim party, and that was a lot of fun, which is partly responsible for why i feel so tired today!

still so full of gratitude for what you helped me to accomplish. i really did it. i spent a lot of time in the square today just looking at the cathedral and thinking that. thank you thank you thank you.
peace and blessings-
a

this may make me late to dinner, but...

2009-05-26T18:25:00Z

i just have to tell you that I MADE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i am here, in santiago, and i have completed the 800 plus kilometers (about 500 miles) from st. jean pied de port , france to santiago de campostella, spain !!!!

i am acutely aware that i couldn´t have done it without each and every one of you. my thanks are deep, and have made my eyes fill with tears many, many times today.

i love you, i hold you close, and i thank you. i will write more tomorrow when i have more time and tell you about entering the city. amazing.

we did it!!!

peace and blessings,
a

i thought my last day was going to be so easy...

2009-05-25T20:39:00Z

i thought i knew how this worked. i thought i would get up in the morning, and walk, just like i have so many times before. i thought it would be long, but no problem. i didn´t count on one thing. rain. lots of it. all day long. hard rain. cold rain. rain down my back, up my arms, soaking my hands, andyes, even my feet. i thought my boots were waterproof, but i found out otherwise today.

now i don´t want to sound like i am complaining. because most of the day was really quite beautiful. gorgeous things happen to flowers in the rain. rain drops fill the centers of some flowers, and drip off the ends of others. dozens of tiny, perfectly shaped raindrops hang off of long blades of grass that bend in graceful arcs under their weight. the bark of trees turns dark in contrast to the bright green shine of the leaves. and the sound of the rain on the leaves can be as comforting as the murmer of loved ones´voices coming from a nearby room as you fall asleep.

but the combination of being very very hungry and not having anywhere to stop without being cold, and possibly wetter was a tough one for me today. near the end of the day, i finally sat down on a rock next to the camino and just sat there in the rain. a french woman came by and asked if i was okay. not really, i replied. i am really hungry. i had just eaten the orange that i had forgotten i had and that i was originally saving for the morning. she offered me an apple, but i didn´t want to take her apple. (aples are heavy, and you have to really like them, and really want an apple to carry it and i just didn´t want to take such a valuable food from her). i got up and walked with one of the guys she was with and the time passed a little better. at one point, we saw a little bird on the camino and one of the guys pointed out that the mom was nearby, watching over it. i was too tired to say ´just like my mom´but that is what i thought. and then i thought of all of you, who also are so nearby, watching over me. it just made me want to cry.

but i had misunderstood the distances or something, and i hadn´t been able to get enough food, so when i wandered into a little village that i thought was supposed to be the big village of labacolla where i was heading, i just lost it. i started crying. i called lydia, and she assured me that i was close to the village. i just walked and cried, and cried and walked, and finally made it here to labacolla. i immediately ate a tortilla (omelet) sandwich, and took a long, hot shower in my private room, and dried myself with a real cotton towel, so i think you know how good that made me feel. i have now done some filming with lydia, eaten dinner and feel fine, just very, very tired. ready to go to bed, and so very happy that i - we - only have 10 k to walk tomorrow. i should be in santiago by 11 am, and be sitting in the cathedral for the noon mass. many people along the way have asked me to say a prayer for them in the cathedral. i will, but they will have to wait until i have said all my prayers for you. prayers of thanks, prayers of gratitude, and prayers that i can be as loving and supportive of you as you have been of me. thank you thank you thank you. i am thinking of you with great love and thanksgiving. and unlike my pilgrimage, THAT will not be over tomorrow.

peace and blessings-
a

my last full day of walking

2009-05-25T07:00:00Z

this is my last full day of walking. my plan is to walk all day, and stop when i get to labacolla. that is where, traditionally, people would wash themselves before arriving in santiago. it is only 10 clicks from santiago, a mere 2 and a half hours of walking. i am breathing a big sigh as i write this. i have not allowed myself to imagine arriving too much because i just wasn´t sure i would make it. now, it is so close.

the night before last i met a lovely young woman named carrie from singapore. we had a nice chat, and she and 2 english women were saying that they were going to stay in a special casa rural, which is someone´s house that they have made rooms available in (bad sentence, sorry). anyway, i listened to them, but i was pretty sure that i would be walking about 5 clicks further, so i didn´t pay that much attention. well, near the end of the day yesterday, i met up with the 2 englishwomen as they were trying to find the casa rural, which the book said was just off the camino. i was walking with them and we didn´t see it. we came to a bar, and i said i would help them with spanish (i´ve come a long way, baby!) and ask the bartender about the casa rural. she said we had passed it, and she tried calling for us, etc. to no avail. i suggested they call for a taxi to take them, but after all this, one of the women was so tired she said she didn´t wan to go back , just forward. they got up to leave, and i found myself just sitting in the chair. ´i think i´m going to go´i heard myself say. i was amazed, but i knew to follow my instinct. i got a cab back, and when i got there asked if there was mia amiga carrie´. the woman said yes, and took me to her room. i knocked on her door and called her name, and when she came out, we were jumping up and down like we were best friends who hadn´t seen each other in years! i ended up staying in her room, and it was like a slumber party. i am tellling you this because i want to share a story she told me.

before carrie left singapore, she prayed a prayer over and over, she said. it was ´jesus, please walk with me. when the way gets hard, please walk next to me, and help me.´ that was her prayer. well, she told me that when she came to o´cebreiro, she tried to get a bus because it is so steep, and she had fallen and twisted her ankle. there were no buses, so she was unsure what to do. just then a spanish man came up to her that she had met the night before in the albuerge. he motioned for her to walk with him. she tried to tell him that she was hurt, and couldn´t walk, but he kept motioning to her, so she followed. they walked slowly, and he kept making her turn around to look at the view, and pointing out the different birds, telling her their names in spanish, and things like that. before she knew it, they had made it to the top! they went to the church there, and then outside to a little sitting area. he gave her a pretty cross that she put on her necklace-it is very colorful and beautiful. then she said she was sorry, but she didn´t even know his name, could he please tell her. he smiled, and looked at her and said, ¨jesus¨ . she got tears in her eyes, and knew that her prayer had been answered. the walk was hard, and there was jesus, next to her all the way.

i know that you walk with me-and this is OUR last full day!

peace and blessings-
a

just a quick note

2009-05-24T10:41:00Z

ola from melide, a lovely little city that is quite busy, for a sunday. most places that i have been are pretty quiet on sundays, but there is an outdoor market here, and lots of people around. i have another few hours of walking today, then a full day tomorrow, then i arrive in santiago! as i mentioned before, i try not to think about it too much, but of course i do. it is amazing to think that i really have walked all this way. i have walked a lot! last night i was with some other pilgrims and we were talking about what some of the things are that we are looking forward to. i think it was a tie between clean laundry and cotton towels. our eyes kind of glaze over as we discuss these things. i told them about my stay in terradillos de los templarios, where catalina, alex and i put our clothes together and had them washed. the two ladies i was speaking with could hardly believe it-´´they did your wash FOR you?´ they kept asking. i don´t think they could have been any more impressed, even if i had said something like george clooney was meeting me in santiago. then i told them about the bath mat,. and they said that i should write a travel guide about where to stay, with all this type of really important information!

okay, i really should get going. i don´t think i will find internet in the town i am going to, but you never know. i will also try and do a quick upload of some more pix. i´m not sure i can do it from this computer, but i will find out.

thinking of you, and feeling so touched by the comments. it is always my favorite thing to do, read what you all have written. thank you so much.
peace and blessings-
a
ps-i will blog again before getting to santiago because there are cameras there and if the timing is right, and we can figure out which camera to use, you may be able to see me in the square! i think the camera we will be using is praza de praterias one. more details later.

missing you

2009-05-23T13:30:00Z

as the time gets closer to the end, i am feeling more homesick than before. one reason might be that i have not let myself think about missing my husband, my friends, my family...even if i don´t see you all the time, i know that you are only a phone call or an email away. but since i didn´t bring my phone with me, and email is hit or miss, and even when it is available, it is a slow process. but i have felt more homesick these last few days than before. and it is hard when i miss my dog tucker since i´m not sure he is reading these emails or not. the old opposable thumb dilemma.

i am even homesick for people from early on in my trip-i miss christianne et pierre louis, yun soor, genevieve, manfred, gherardo e giuseppe, jenny and kim, and of course, catalina and alex. i met up with yves et nicole the other day. boy were they a sight for sore eyes! i had just come into samos after a looooong day of walking, and all of a sudden i hear someone calling my name. it was them, the lovely couple from quebec i met the first night in orisson. our paths are crossing a lot now, which is nice. i think i blogged earlier about staying in the restaurant-they were the couple that i saw when i entered. i also used to see a couple from denmark, wenka and olaf but hadn´t seen them since terradillos de los templarios, over a week ago. we had eaten dinner together that night, and they were drinking a bit, and saying how they couldn´t wait til they didn´t have to walk together anymore, it seemed good natured, but i remember thinking, i ´m not sure i want to cross paths with them anymore. well, i was sitting at an outdoor cafe the other day in a tiny town, and up walks wenka. i ask where olaf is and she replies ¨broken´´ in that lovely accent of hers. almost like the ´e´isn´t there at all,,, just brok-n. it took me by surprise, and i sat there in silence trying to figure out how olaf had gotten broken. then she said, ´ we don´t walk together. we are broken. ´ they decided not to walk together , or had ´broken up´even though they weren´t an item, so to speak. lots of changes happen on the camino.

so just know that i am missing you, but knowing that i will soon be back in the land of easy access back to a place of fast internet and cell phone service. til then, we are still in communion through our prayers. i was having a lonely moment the other day and pulled out my magical mystical mirror box and got a great message from rev. greta. it was so nice to feel the connection again. we are all one.
peace and blessings my dear ones-
a

only a few more days...

2009-05-23T08:12:00Z

can you believe it!?!?!! i only have 3 or 4 more days to get to santiago! i can hardly believe it myself. there are markers now along the way that give the distance in kilometers, which now read less than 100. i am feeling great, with no physical problems and i easily walk 25 - 30 km per day, and even more sometimes. i am writing from portomarin, and i will walk about another 22 km ( i walked about 9 to get here). it really is amazing to think that i have come all this way. how did i do it? partly thank to you. i was talking with a quebecois couple and they said when they started walking, each morning they would think, who should we pray for in their family. after a few days, they changed it to , who is walking with us today? i have had all of you to walk with this whole way, and i think that is how i have done it. there were definitely times when i didn´t think i would make it - and i do still have a few days to go - but i know that it was by walking with all of you that i get myself this far! i am even considering the possibility of walking to finistere, which would be another 3 days walk. i won´t decide until i get to santiago. in fact, i am trying not to think any further in advance than my next step. i realized a few weeks ago that the last kilometer or so before arriving in a village seemed to be the hardest. i thought about it, and realized that when i am walking during the day, i am just walking, and enjoying every part of it; the scenery, the wind, the smells, the air, the other pilgrims, all of it. but when i was walking the last kilometer, i was not on the way, i was already ahead in the village, thinking about eating, or shelter, or who would be there, or whatever. i wasn´t on my way. so now, i don´t set my sights on a town to go to as a destination, i think more about time. as in, i think i will walk until about 6 pm tonight. i do have to think a little about the town, but i make sure that enjoy the last km as much as the rest by really being ON my way even in the last few steps. and so it will be with santiago. i am enjoying my walking so very much. i really feel like galicia is almost like a different country, the look and feel of it is so different from the rest of spain. the earth almost feels spongy to walk upon, and the smells are heavenly-earth and cows, and grass, and flowers....it is amazing.

this morning i got started early and walked through mists that shrouded the nearby hills and mountains while touching each field with a soft magic. the white flowers almost seemed like tiny sources of light in the mist and gently morning light. the forests i walked next to were dark, making me think of fairy tales and trees that could talk...

it is time for me to continue walking. i have miles to go before i sleep, and today will be a day of winding my way through small villages and working farms. as always, you walk with me. keep me in your prayers, as you have so generously done for all this time. thank you thank you thank you-
peace and blessings,
a

ok, there was this one annoying day...

2009-05-23T07:41:00Z

i know that my posts have been describing this awesome experience, but in all fairness, i guess i should include a description of one particular day. i started the day in molinaseca, just outside of ponferada. i walked into ponferada, which was all along the road, and not very pleasant. the spanish drivers drive very fast, and they seem uninterested in taking any extra care with pedestrians, who are actually all pilgrims. there are so many of us, i really get the feeling that their sentiment is, one pilgrim more or less, who would really notice? anyway, it wa an unpleasant hour or two along the road, but i really did love ponferada. it was the first castle that i had seen, and it was amazing that i sat and had a cup of tea just in front of it. you amy remember i had that funny exchange with the german guy about ´my comino´there. but before he sat down with me, i saw the ladies next to me had the same guide book that i have. it´s by john brearly and is very famous, i have seen it alot. so i said, óh, i have the same book´ really just as a way of saying hi, and sharing something in common. i went on, ´but mine is all skinny now because i have been tearing out the pages as i go.´ well, this woman reacted as though i had said i eat baby seals for breakfast. ´i would never do that, this is a memory! this is too important!¨ i felt like i should immediately write john brearly a note of apology and promise to buy a new one as soon as i got home. it´s funny because i have thought a lot about judgement since i have been walking. i have made a conscious effort not only to not judge people on this trip, but also to just notice when i am judging, silently, in my own head. i later saw this same woman at the tourist info desk asking about getting a bus. she wanted to get a bus from ponferada to sarria, and walk the last 100 km, which makes you eligible for a ´compostella´´, or document stating that you walked the camino. no mileage is included, just that you have walked it. some people have judgement about that! early on, jenny and kim were talking about that, and the notion of ´cheating´. but i was able to just hear that and let her have HER camino. that was growth for me. that i didn´t get all snippy about how she had judged me for ripping out pages of my book, but she would be bussing it. anyway, i certainly can´t judge others on that since i took buses into burgos and leon.

so that was kind of annoying. then, the annoying part really started. i started walking out of town. i walked, and i walked, and i walked, all the tiome walking on asphalt road, being passed by many cars at high speeds, and spewing emmisions....at every turn in the road i would think, after that turn i will see nature again. but no, just more stores, more newer buildings, more road. my pinky toe was hurting, and i was a little concerned because the hospitalero had tended to it the night before and thought that it might even be infected. i didn´t think so, but it was a nagging fear in the back of my head, and the pain was becoming stronger and stronger. i even thought of going to the red cross because i saw a sign, but when i got to the intersection, i couldn´t see the building, and i didn´t want to walk several km. off the camino. i thought, if i am meant to go , it will be easy to find. sure enough, as the pain increased, it was only about 15 minutes later that there was a red cross right on the way! all i had to do was walk up the steps to enter it! i went in and the two gentlemen there couldn´t have been nicer. they looked at it, and they agreed that it was NOT infected, which was a relief to me. they put a bandage on it, but within a minute of leaving there, it jurt worse thann before. i didn´t know if that was because the wrap was not right, or because it was just getting worse. either way, it was really hurting, and the road continued. i was really not having fun when my poles began to act up. they started shrinking when i would use them (which is every step). i had to re-tighten them over and over again, every 10 minutes or so, which was really a pain! and still, only asphalt. i was really annoyed. finally, the arrows directed me across a busy traffic circle, and the path changed. it was a wide, dirt road, and within minutes, i was out of the city, and i began winding my way through vineyards and orchards. such beauty! at long last! it was wonderful to be in nature again, but alas, it was short-lived. i came up over a rise, and there in front of me i saw a bunch of new ugly sprawling costco looking buildings. i felt betrayed! i kept telling myself, the camino is everything, it is what it is, it is not here for your pleasure, it is here as a way to walk. right then lydia called, and i said i was really annoyed because everyone had told me that cacabelos was a pretty town but i was right there and it was ugly and modern and not at all what i had imagined. she laughed and said that she had wanted to film something along the camino that was ugly and she had chosed that very spot where i was. then, she ended up having a big argument with pedro, the dp beacuse he said that it wasn´t ugly, just industrial. she made me promise that i would tell him that i thought it was ugly , too, the next time i see him. then she promised me that if i walked a little further, i really would get to the pretty part of cacabelos. sure enough i did.

what was interesting about this was that my poles were such a problem that day. however, they haven´t been a problem since. makes you wonder, which came first, having the poles not work and being annoyed at that, or being annoyed, and the poles not working. i´m just glad they are working now.

so that was my annoying day. there was about 45 minutes of stunning beauty in the middle of it, so i know that i don´t really have much to complain about. i worked on the blister that night, and my toe has been fine every since. it was just that one day...

peace and blessings-
a

i can almost see your house from here...

2009-05-20T19:54:00Z

i´m writing you from o´cebreiro, which feels like the top of the world. it was so exhiliarating climbing up here. the views have been spectacular, and it really does feel like i can see all the way to your house, wherever that may be, from here!

i started the day by missing the turnoff i was looking for. leaving villafranca, my guide book said that i would have a choice of which road to take. i wanted to take the road that went through the countryside, but is much more difficult, but instead, i ended up walking next to a road. i really don´t like walking close to cars. there´s the danger, of course, but also the spanish seem a bit more lax about emission controls, if you know what i mean. every time a car passes, you have a long breeze of exhaust air. it was made worse knowing that i could have been walking through orchards and vineyards, if i hadn´t missed the turn off.

well somewhere in the middle of all of that, i started feeling like a little voice inside of me was saying ó´cebreiero´ . i couldn´t figure it out, because i had made a choice of a village about 10 km before o´cebreiro. but i kept hearing it over and over as i walked. finally, i decided, okay, i will walk to o´cebreiro. i was thrilled today to have an entire day without any aches and pains, so the extra kms seemed very do-able.

after i walked by the village i had planned to stay at, the camino changed. it went off the road, now only on an earthen track. as the silence deepened, and the birds once again began singing the soundtrack of the camino, assisted by a stream, i felt my body relax. after about an hour, the camino changed again, this time twisting and turning in a steep uphill climb. as i turned around, i literally gasped as i saw the valley spread out below me, all the shades of green blending together in an exuisite (sp?) feast of green, scenting the air into pure heaven in my lungs. ´´it was here all along!¨ i thought! the peace, the beauty, the love, it was all here all along! i was next to the road, breathing the fumes, but this was always here. silently here, patiently waiting for me to find it. i am so glad i followed that voice that kept telling me to get to o´cebreiro tonight. that is part of my lesson from dalana(see other post if you don´t know what i´m talking about). when she gave me my magical mystical mirror box she looked me in the eye and told me to always follow that voice, just the way she had when she had bought the box. i did today, so thank you dalana! it was so wonderful to end the day in peace and relaxation, being nourished by nature´s astounding beauty.

i am absolutely exhausted, so i think i am going to sign off with that. but i feel that today was so important. just knowing that all that beauty was there all the time, that is something i want to bring home with me. i want to remember this specifically, and also in a general way. whatever is going on at any time, the beauty, the stillness, the silence and the birdsong, is there. it is always there, just waiting for me to climb whatever hill i must climb to get to it.

sending you all the beauty i saw and heard and felt climbing up here to o´cebreiro.
peace and blessings-
a